Estate planning must begin with family harmony as the goal. Thus personal dynamics are more important than avoiding probate and estate taxes. Planning begins by selecting the right trustee. Here are some additional principles to help you assure family harmony in your estate planning.

First, have an up-to-date plan. Too many people either fail to prepare an estate plan or let their plan become outdated. Changes in the law occur frequently. As Will Rogers said, “The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets.”

Plus, your circumstances can change. Toward the end of your life they seem to change faster. Between ages 40 and 65, have a new estate plan drawn up every decade. In your 70s and 80s, consider revisions every 12 months.

Second, you have unique circumstances that your estate plan must address. Everyone does. As a result there are very few “simple estate plans.”

For example, an attorney related to me the story of a man who wanted so-called simple estate plan drawn up for him and his wife. In the first 15 minutes, the estate planner learned the client was a citizen of the UK, his 25-year-old son had bipolar disorder and the son was actually not his biological or adoptive child, although he and the young man’s mother have been married for 23 years.

In another case, a very wealthy man was seeking “a simple estate plan” for him, his wife, and his family. But he was in a second marriage, had three children from his first marriage, his new wife had four children from her first marriage and one of his daughters was in a prison for kidnapping.

You are unique. Here are some of the questions you may answer in a unique way: Do you donate regularly to charity? Or make substantial gifts to family members? Do you want those gifts to continue if you lose capacity? Do you own a business? Do you own property that should not be sold? Do you have a beneficiary who is likely to cause trouble or owes you money? Do you want to provide for the continuing care of a pet? Do you have a working farm or farm animals? Do you want to be cared for at home regardless of the cost?

Your estate plan should be carefully crafted to address your specific needs and circumstances. The more tailored your plan, the less room there is for family disagreements.

Third, be careful not to change your plan inadvertently. Suppose, for example, you have a will that provides for your estate to be distributed equally among your three children, and you have named your daughter Susan as your executor.

To make it easy for Susan to access your bank accounts in the event of a medical emergency, you have added Susan’s name to all of them. What you have done without realizing it is to change your plan. Under Virginia law, those bank accounts will belong to your daughter at your death and will not be shared by your other two children. As a result, your estate might be distributed differently than you intended. It can also result in family feuds or adverse tax consequences.

Before doing any self-help planning–even something as simple as adding a child’s name to a bank account–check with your legal advisor to see how it impacts your plan.

Fourth, make sure your fiduciary/executor gets adequate help. The actions of your executor, trustee or agent under a power of attorney are subject to a rigid and sometimes unforgiving legal standard. It is easy unintentionally to run afoul of those rules. If you name a child to serve in these capacities, introduce him or her to your legal adviser. Make it clear in your legal documents that your fiduciary is authorized to pay for that help from your estate.

Fifth, check that the person you choose is willing to act as your fiduciary before naming him or her in your legal documents. You may find an unwillingness or a reluctance related to some concerns that need to be addressed. For example, a child may never feel comfortable giving consent to take you off a ventilator, even knowing that was your wish.

Finally, use your discretion, but consider telling your family in advance what arrangements you have made. Explaining your plan to your family upfront gives you the opportunity to address any concerns, answer questions and clear up misunderstandings. Once you lose capacity or die, it is too late. Many family fights could have been avoided with an open and frank discussion, so everyone is best prepared to handle a loved one’s loss of health or life. Eliminating surprises helps eliminate family fights.

In summary, most people who plan do pay enough attention to concerns such as probate and estate tax avoidance. But the best estate plans are drafted with family harmony as a priority.

Photo by Megan Marotta

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See also:

Achieving Family Harmony in Estate Planning Part 1: Leave Your Estate in the Right Hands