When I was a child, I had the blessing of intimately knowing both my grandmothers and two of my great-grandmothers. However by the time I turned 12, my mother was my only living maternal ancestor.
At any age, it is easy to feel invincible, but life flies by. When I started this article in 2022, I had two living grandfathers. But as of 2025, I only have one.
When I started this series in 2021, I was just entering my thirties. The energy of my twenties was around me and old age was far on the horizon. Now, I’m 35. I have Reed-Richards-style grey patches in my hair, and I am significantly more familiar with my doctor.
Your great-grandparents, grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, siblings, cousins, spouse, children, or friends might not be with you in a decade. Or they might not be as healthy as they are now. Or you might not be as healthy as you are right now. Or you might not be here in a decade.
This life lesson is a reminder to draw near and draw close to those who love you and love them back just as fiercely.
Be quick to forgive. Most offensive comments or thoughtless behavior you won’t remember in a decade, but your own bad behavior during a fight can haunt you for years. Be a peacemaker. Diffuse arguments. Love those who you disagree with. Love even those whose actions you disapprove of.
Take pictures and videos of your loved ones whenever you are with them. Write down your favorite stories of theirs. Invest in their health and life. Invite them to have a place in your birthday parties, celebrations, and day-to-day. Listen to their stories. Ask about their experiences. Eat meals with them.
The time you spend with your loved ones compounds in value. Just like investing, the earlier you start the more wealth you can have later.
I’m reminded of a wonderful quote from the fictional book “To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before” by Jenny Han. Near the end of the book (Paperback pg. 294), the main character, Laura Jean, muses:
When someone’s been gone a long time, at first you save up all the things you want to tell them. You try to keep track of everything in your head. But it’s like trying to hold on to a fistful of sand: all the little bits slip out of your hands, and then you’re clutching air and grit. That’s why you can’t save it all up like that. Because by the time you finally see each other, you’re catching up only on the big things, because it’s too much bother to tell about the little things. But the little things are what make up life. … Now everything feels like you had to be there and oh never mind, I guess it’s not that funny.
I shared this quote with a college friend of mine who travels a lot with the military. He said that to help collect the sand better, he writes down the funny stories as he experiences them. Then, before he reconnects with someone, he rereads the stories to remind himself of life’s little moments to share.
While this strategy does create a sense of closeness, the easiest way to enjoy life’s little things with one another is to spend time together. The easiest way to spend time together is to have a regular day of the week when you connect with one another, a project that you are working on together, or houses that are in close proximity to one another.
If you are starting from scratch in this area, perhaps, as the writer Kat Vellos challenges, you should simply take each social interaction you have one step beyond the minimum. You can do this with anyone from the grocer to your sister. You start by simply saying something. If that goes well, share something or have curiosity. If that goes well, be vulnerable or make space for vulnerability. And so on. Take another step beyond the minimum to build relationships with the people you actually see.
These small changes make a big impact over time, and your investments in relationships will compound to create more good things in your life.
Photo by author. This is part of Life Lessons (the series).
